Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Sad moments to reflect on

Well, I don't have any pictures from the last week-week and a half..mainly due to the fact that I have been pretty down. I left my job last Thursday for good. Took all of my classroom in the back of the car and drove home. It was SUCH a sad moment. I think the hardest moment of that day was saying good bye to my kiddos. This was the best group of kids I have ever had, the most thoughtful, caring, loving kids around! As I said good bye to them I was BAWLING, and went back to my classroom and fell on the floor by my desk sobbing. It was SO HARD! I mean, how can you be six years into your career ( and loving it by the way) and then all of a sudden have that taken away by people who are just as sad to take it away? Does that make sense? Thinking about the 8 of us who lost our jobs at my school site alone and all of their stories...how their lives are going to change...but most of all, what great individuals and teachers they all are. It has been the most depressing couple of months to be honest and I haven't dealt with it all that well.

And now, I am home with Lucy, for who knows how long. I should be happy ( which I am! ) yet at the same time I am confused, I don't know what the next thing in store is for us, and it scares me so much because I have another human being that is basically helpless that is dependent on me...and at this point I am struggling to see something positive for us in the future. Everything changes when you have a child, your whole world is now about making sure that little one is happy and is safe. It breaks my heart to think of what might happen to us...and all I really want ( and Troy wants) is for Lucy to be exactly that, happy, healthy and safe. I will do anything I can to make that happen. Work three jobs if need be. At this point I have been off of work for a week tomorrow and I have had two interviews already. Both, were not too encouraging. They both are for positions that I would love to have, but at both interviews they reminded me that this is only the first step in the interview and there were hundreds of applicants, and that this will be a very lengthy process. All of that is fine, I just need to be able to support my family!

Sorry, these are just some of my thoughts lately. And the weather, to top it off, has been so horrible! Lucy and I need to get outside and enjoy the days...and we tried to do that today, got all ready, got in the stroller, opened the front door and IT WAS RAINING! Yick!

I guess I am hoping and praying for better days in sight!

13 comments:

The Veneracion Family said...

My Dear Sarah... Things ALWAYS work out for the best. Lucy will be happy and healthy as long as she has you and Troy. Millions of people don't have much materially and are much more happy than those that have lots or even enough to live on. You guys are going to be fine no matter what. And Lucy, will be more than fine because she has such a supportive family. One day, we'll all look at the experience this year and laugh (especially you and me). We'll say, "See, if that didn't happen then I would have never..." Love ya girl! It's gonna be okay! =) Jen

Kevin and Mary said...

Sarah- be prayerful. Even though nothing makes sense and someone else made this huge decision for you, there is a plan and for whatever reason- you are right where God wants you to be. Stay in the moment and make a list of all the things that drove you crazy about teaching. Everytime you go to cry, read that list. I am praying for all of you and I just know everything is going to be OK!

ryansmom said...

Hi Sarah,
Just remember this is God's plan and we may not understand the road we are on but he always holds us in love. You have Troy and Lucy and that's all you need. I often remind myself of a quote from Randy Pausch of the Last Lecture ~ We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand. You have a choice and I know you're not one to just sit back. You even said so yourself. Somehow you will find your way. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there! Love~Lisa

Amy said...

Hi Sarah- That is so sad about your job. So sorry to hear that. What district do you work in? At least you get to enjoy time with your sweet little Lucy!

Dave said...

You and Jenafer have been in my thoughts lately. I know that what you are going though has got to be hard. You ar ein our prayers and I hope that you will keep us posted on how things are going!

Liz said...

God always has a plan. I wondered for 10 years what His plan was and when He was going to let me in on it. I now look into the beautiful eyes of His plan every day and realize He knew what He was doing and I can't imagine life any other way. Be prayful and patient. We'll pray that He moves you along your path quickly to something great.

Buckeyemom said...

Sarah, Your post made me so sad. I am so sorry you are going through this right now. Just doesn't seem fair. I am keeping you in my thoughts and my ears open for any jobs I hear of. Enjoy your time with Lucy. God has a plan for you and all will work out even though right now you don't see how. Love ya!

Jessica said...

I read something the other day when I was having a pity party.... put all your problems in a bowl along with everyone else's and you will surely take your problems right back out over many others. It kinda helped me to put things into perspective.

Life is full of ups and downs. Hopefully this down part for you is brief and you can come out of it a better person. I know you are grieving your job and worrying about money, and that is hard. Everytime you have those thoughts try to think of something that is a blessing in this.... like the fact that you get to see every single smile your daughter has during the day right now.

Things WILL get better, it's just a matter of time. In the meantime all you can do is continue searching for a job, and try to take joy in all of the little things in your day.

Remember that your daughter won't remember how much stuff she had as a child, but she will remember the love that her parents constantly surrounded her with... and that is something that you provide her with every day :)

I'll pray you guys can manage financially and that the worry doesn't overtake you!

STEPH said...

Sarah...Keep your head up girl! I really don't have any advice that hasn't already been given but I know you, I know that you are STRONG, I know that you have made it through many tough situations before this, and I know you'll make it through this one. This is the time when you need to rely completely on your faith. Keep that big beautiful smile on your face! I love you!

Tawny said...

I know you are probably sick of hearing things happen for a reason, so I won't say that, but I will say that anyone would want you at their school for the simple fact of how you are so honestly dedicated to what you do! My heart is with you during this time of figuring out what to do and where to go next. Good luck with all your interviews and goodness gracious your time with Lucy! I know that I would be stressed about not having a job instead of enjoying my kiddos...so try to wait it out and hope for the best...and heck, lets do something fun...girl night???

Rob and Cherie said...

Hang in there girl! Praying for God's plan to be revealed to you soon and your anxiety lessened:)

Crystal and Kyle said...

Hey Sarah, We love you guys and are praying for you. WE hope that everything with work will turn out. I love what your friend said about material things not being the source of our happiness. It's so true. The gospel also gives us such great perspective on what truly brings us happiness. Lucy is blessed to have such loving parents. We're excited to see you guys so soon.

Alyssa Griffeth said...

I'm so sorry to hear about all that you've been going through lately! That is SO sad!

But Heavenly Father ALWAYS has a plan for us...Even though we might not know what it is right now. I'm sure something wonderful will come of all this. You're so positive about wanting to have a career (I'm sure Grant WISHES that I wanted to work and actually use my degree right now....Haha!). If nothing else comes from it, I'm sure you will be so glad you had these few months getting to be with Lucy all day, every day.

Good luck with the job hunt!!

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